The word emotion means ‘energy in motion’ and we all experience emotions (Wise, 2022). Emotions are the thoughts we have, how we think and feel in our bodies and then how we act based on our thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, emotions can be hard to notice, understand, or describe.

The emotion Triangle 

Emotions are generally experienced in three ways: thoughts (mind), feelings (physical sensation) and behaviours (actions). ​

For example, if you were feeling anxious about a test at school, you might feel your heart racing. You might notice the urge to spend more time revising, and you might have worried thoughts about what will happen if you don’t get the mark you are hoping for.

Why do we have emotions?

Emotions are part of the human experience and provide an important function (Oxford DBT, 2023).

There are no right, wrong, good or bad emotions that we experience.​ However, some emotions might feel more comfortable, and some less comfortable.

The emotions you experience have different intensities, a bit like a thermometer. You might feel a bit happy, or very happy. You can go up and down the thermometer at different rates. If you suddenly found out some bad news, you might go straight up to a 9 or a 10. If you knew something bad might happen, you may gradually go up to a 9 or 10 (Oxford DBT, 2023).

Everyone’s thermometer is different and how we notice our emotions may differ.

EMotion regulation 

Regulation is the ability to manage your own emotional experiences (Wise, 2022). We might not always be able to control what emotions arise, but we can manage aspects of how we respond. Our response can help increase positive outcomes and reduce potential negative consequences.

Emotions may become a problem for us when they persist for a long time, happen extremely frequently or get in the way of doing the things you need or want to do (Wise, 2022).

recognising emotions 

About half of autistic people experience alexithymia, which means a difficulty in identifying, understanding, or describing an emotion (Wise, 2022).​ Becoming more aware of these signals we are getting from our body, our mind, and our actions, can make it easier to understand what emotion we might be experiencing.

Sometimes, emotions may still be confusing, and we are not sure what we are feeling. This is okay, and it is normal to experience this. Speaking to someone you trust may be helpful to think about your personal emotional experiences and how you can be best supported.

The window of tolerance 

Our window of tolerance is our space where we function our best and we can regulate our emotions effectively (Siegel, 1999). ​When we move out of our window of tolerance, we might end up in meltdown (hyperarousal) or shutdown (hypoarousal).  A meltdown and a shutdown will look different for every individual. It may be helpful to think about what this means for you and how you notice you are heading towards either of these.

​Our goal is to stay within our window of tolerance as much as possible. We can do this by meeting our needs and getting support. It may be helpful to think about things that maintain your emotional wellbeing with someone you trust. This can help you to cope with difficult emotions in a way that suits your needs and strengths.

It might be really difficult and anxiety-provoking to talk about these things, but it can be really helpful to get the support you may need.